Remembering Baby’s First Christmas in Heaven

I’ve met some new babylost moms this year and my thoughts are with them; I know this will be a tough holiday season.  I welcome you to join me in sending prayers to these bereaved families as this will be their 1st Christmas without their little ones. 

Here are some thoughts about what helped us as we celebrated our son’s first Christmas with Jesus.  It was written in December 2009. 

Merry Christmas, Baby!

Gardens of Gethsemani Cemetery at Christmas a place of prayer, comfort and Nativity Spirit too

(Original article published in The B.C. Catholic January 4, 2010)

            We were not quite sure how to celebrate Christmas this year, and to be honest, I didn’t even know if I had the heart to.  We still planned to attend Mass of course, and spend time with family, but other than putting out the Nativity scene and a stocking for our son, I did not want to decorate the house this year. 

            A few weeks ago, we drove up to this beautiful spot, and experienced first-hand the true spirit of Christmas.  It simply took my breath away.  “K-e-a-t-o-n,…..look!”  I whispered, and quickly scrambled out the car door.  My husband was only a few steps behind.  When we finally stood in the middle of it all, tears were streaming down my face.  We kept scanning the scenery around us in awe, and our hearts were filled with joy! 

            Upon first glance, this may look like a regular park or yard decorated for this cheerful Christmas season.  There are candy canes on the fence, bright big bows glinting in the trees, and red and white poinsettias lined up perfectly.  This is a photo of Gardens of Gethsemani cemetery, and more specifically, Rachel’s Garden where the infants and children are buried.  This is also where we laid our baby boy Keaton Dominic to rest in January.  Our son died at birth on Jan. 16th, 2009 and this year would have been baby’s first Christmas.

            At Keaton’s funeral, a woman whom I did not know approached me before Mass.  She had tears in her eyes and sadly said, “You don’t know me, but I am also a parishioner here at St. Nicholas.  I am so, so sorry for the loss of your baby boy…it has been awhile, but we also lost our son before he was born.”  She gave me a big tight hug, and in that instant, it felt as if I had found a long lost friend.  

            This mother later told me that every year for Advent, someone lovingly takes time to decorate the children’s area at Garden’s of Gethsemani.  For over 10 years, this person voluntarily trims the trees with wreaths and bows, and a generous bunch of poinsettias are carefully placed at each of the infant gravesites.  My husband and I want to thank this person for remembering our children at Christmas.  God bless you!  It is so nice to be able to openly celebrate our heavenly children, but more so this time of year.

            To those who are grieving the death of a baby or child:  I am sorry that your little one is not here with you.  Our little saints are very much alive in heaven, and waiting for us!  I find comfort, and peace knowing that God loves all of his children, but now know that Christmas time can be bittersweet.  No matter how long it has been since the death of our loved ones, we will still miss them during the celebration of Our Lord Jesus’ birth at Christmas. 

            Merry Christmas children, give Baby Jesus our love.  Please pray for us, and ask the Blessed Mother to hold and take care of you until we get there.  Love always, your faithful and loving parents.

 

Meet Me Near the “Baby Tree” – Oct.15th Infant Remembrance Service

October is Infant and Child Death Awareness Month.  The annual Infant Loss Remembering Service is scheduled to take place on Sat. Oct.15, 2011 at 1pm and is presented by the support group Mourning Mothers.

This Remembering Service will be held at the “Baby Tree” at Langley Lawn Cemetery, 4393 208 St. for parents and family members grieving the loss of an infant.  Mourning Mothers has also dedicated a plaque near this special tree in memory of babies who have died during pregnancy.

Last year was the first year I attended the event and it was a beautiful gathering.  We were invited to light candles and write the names of our children on wooden signs and place them on one of the branches of the Baby Tree.  Large and colourful butterflies complimented the fall leaves that also adorned the tree.  

 

Flower petals were given to each person to spread around the angel figurines near the plaque and families were welcome to say a prayer and share short speeches.  The ceremony concluded with the release of doves.  It was truly breathtaking to watch the white flock of birds gracefully circle above us before flying up towards heaven.      

For more info, call Susan at 604-575-031-three.  The service is non-denominational.

* Please visit the Little Light of Heaven Events page for other upcoming events and have a blessed Thanksgiving weekend.

 

 

Prayers for Maeve

This post on Carly Marie’s blog is truly inspiring.  Our thoughts and prayers are with Maeve and her twin daughters Aibhlinn and Caoimhe.

Carly Marie shares Maeve’s story on her blog and writes:

The memorial service for Aibhlinn and Caoimhe will be held this Saturday July 16th, 42 years and 3 months after they passed away. If you have a moment on Saturday, please send out some love and a prayer for Maeve.

It is never too late to name your babies.

It is never too late to hold a memorial service for them.

To all those who may be reading, who never named your babies or held a memorial service for them, we hope this story inspires you and helps you on your road to healing.

Thank you Carly for posting this and for encouraging moms and dads around the world with your beautiful words and projects.

Birthday Heartache

Today I took time to honour baby Michael who turned one today.

I met with two other babylost moms and a sweet rainbow baby (referring to a younger sibling after a loss), who is now a toddler, for a walk at the beach this morning.  It was cloudy and there was a definite chill in the air, but the conversation was warm as we strolled along the boardwalk talking about life and how it will forever be changed as we continue to miss and love our babies.  

Between us, we have four little ones in heaven, one on the way and due in the next few months; one that walked beside us chatting away (keeping all of us smiling and very entertained!); and one named Michael that remains in the hearts of his adoptive parents who were asked to give him back only after a short time with him. 

This being said, I still support adoption 100%. 

Yes, there is potential for heartache and risk that the adoption will fall through.  However, for some, this is a price they are willing to pay for the opportunity to welcome a child into their lives. 

What most people do not know is that there are many, many couples and families in Canada who are on the waiting list to adopt, but sadly, most will not be given the chance to adopt successfully.  It is my prayer that birth moms and dads who are unable to take care of their babies, will seriously consider giving their children to these loving adoptive families to raise.   

Adoption is the ultimate gift of life to your child.  I have seen first-hand how wonderful adoption can be and know families who have adopted children.  These children are being brought up in stable, loving homes — some with other siblings who just adore them.     

Dear Michael,

Happy Birthday!  Know that you are thought of often and that your family loves you and misses you very much.  We pray that you are being taken care of and that you will see your family again one day for a visit.

Much love,

Auntie

xoxo    

Infant Bereavement Workshop May 30th – Details

If you know of anyone who might benefit from attending this session, please let them know!

HOPE & HEALING
AFTER THE LOSS OF AN INFANT OR YOUNG CHILD
 
Mon., May 30th 6:30pm – 9:30pm 

St. Nicholas Church – 20675 87th Ave., Langley (Walnut Grove), BC

SPEAKERS:  Denis E. Boyd, MA, Registered Psychologist & Donna L. Crombie, BA

This workshop is for those grieving the loss of a younger child, infant or baby who has died at birth, or during pregnancy as a result of stillbirth or miscarriage.  It is also geared towards caregivers and volunteers dedicated to supporting these families. 

Hear from an experienced therapist who works with bereaved families and a parent who will share her faith-based journey in search of hope and healing after the loss of her baby.  Discuss healthy ways to work through the grief process and ideas on how to honour your child.  You are not alone…meet others who understand what it is like to love and miss a little one.

Denis Boyd has been providing counselling for over 30 years.  He has special interest in assisting individuals and couples in areas such as grief, stress and marriage.  Donna is a Babylost Mom and coordinates events and workshops to help support bereaved families.Discuss ways to work through the grief process and ideas on how to honour your child.  You are not alone…meet others who understand what it is like to love and miss a little one.    
 
Who might be interested in attending?  Parents, adult family members and friends.  Professionals and volunteers who support bereaved families after the loss of a young life are also encouraged to attend.  Note that caregivers will be given the opportunity to hear first-hand the kind of support bereaved families need, as well as share ideas with one another in a group setting.  

Topics that will be covered include the following: 


·        Grieving a baby, infant or child
·        You mean I’m not going crazy?
·        Dealing with potential abandonment by friends & family
·        Healthy and unhealthy grief reactions
·        Differing grief patterns e.g. why does my spouse not understand? 
·        Coping strategies and getting better
 
Surviving the Loss of a Baby:  A story of Faith, Hope and Healing
 
·        The roller coaster ride of grief
·        Finding grace in grief
·        Towards hope
·        Healing as an ongoing process
·        Once a mom always a mom…where do I go from here?

Interactive Discussion & Group Work
 
·        Coping through ‘angelversaries’ and other significant dates
·        What has helped or hindered in the recovery after a loss whether it was an ectopic pregnancy, miscarriage, stillbirth, early infant death, SIDS or the death of a child 3 +
·        Honouring and remembering your child
·        Effective strategies and resources to support help bereaved families

Cost:  $30/person or 2 tickets for $55.  After May 16th – $35/person or 2 tickets for $65.  Partial proceeds will be donated to organizations that support bereaved parents.

REGISTRATION

Pls. call: Denis Boyd & Associates at 604.931.7(two)11 to pre-register.  Email:  info(at)littlelightofheaven.com for more info.

Angel Whispers Care Package & Newsletter

This non-profit organization sends care packages to bereaved families which includes their current newsletter and mementos for your child.  I received a cute little angel bear for example, and it sits on our mantle next to Keaton’s photo.

In the latest Spring 2011 Angel Whispers newsletter is the following quote, which I love:

If ever there is a tomorrow when we’re not together, there is something you must always remember.  You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think; but the most important thing is, even if we’re apart…I will always be with you.

~Winnie the Pooh~

Visit:  www.angelwhispers.ca to view their newsletters and order a free care package.  There is also a memory page called “Angel On a Star“.  The support programs are located in various areas of Alberta.

Baby & Infant Memorial Service Details

*Baby & Infant Memorial Service & Teddy Bear Tea*

NEW date:  June 11

Where:  St. Matthew’s Parish, 16079 88 Ave., Surrey, BC

Memorial Mass Service:  5:30pm – 6:20pm celebrated by Pastor Augustine Obiwumma, with the Chorus Angelorum Choir

 “Teddy Bear” Tea:  6:30pm – 7:30pm (in the Fireside Room) hosted by St. Mattew’s Parish & local Elizabeth Ministry Chapters

*RSVP:  Ann & Donna – info@littlelightofheaven.com

Prayers will be included for parents and family members who wish to honour the lives of all young children gone-too-soon, including;

– Toddlers and infants

– Babies lost during or after birth

– Babies who have died during pregnancy such as those who were miscarried and stillborn

Couples who are struggling with infertility and those trying to conceive; parents who are expecting and those on a waiting list to adopt; as well as parents who lovingly chose to give up and/or welcome children through adoption and fostering will also be remembered on this day.

 TEDDY BEAR TEA

Coffee & tea will be available at the social gathering immediately after the service in the Fireside Room.  Please consider bringing a new small teddy bear in honour of a baby or child which will be donated to bereaved families through Elizabeth Ministry. 

Families can enter the name of their child in the “Little Book of Life” and light a candle for their little one. 

This Mass and social is open to everyone from all faiths and backgrounds, especially bereaved parents and other family members including children, as well as those who support grieving families. 

*Please RSVP so that enough programs, candles & refreshments are available.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

NOTE:  The Teddy Bear Tea is the official launch event for Elizabeth Ministry in BC.  Future programs and events will be scheduled.  Contact Donna or Ann to receive updates. 

Elizabeth Ministry is a faith-based, peer mentorship volunteer organization that celebrates the sanctity of life and honours the lives of all children.  If you are interested in donating a teddy bear, volunteering or starting a chapter at your Parish, please contact us:

Ann, Elizabeth Minister St. Matthew’s Chapter – annamsing (at) yahoo.com

Donna, Elizabeth Minister St. Nicholas Chapter – info (at) littlelightofheaven.com

~~~ 

*SHORT DESCRIPTION* 

The following is a short summary of the service for email invites and church bulletins etc.

Baby & Infant Memorial Service & Teddy Bear Tea

Sat. June 11th 5:30- 7:30pm at St. Matthew’s Parish 16079 88 Ave. Surrey

Come celebrate the lives of all young children who have died including those miscarried, stillborn, lost during or after birth, infants and toddlers.  Bereaved parents, relatives and friends of all faiths and backgrounds welcome.  Families are invited to light a candle and enter the names of their children in the “Little Book of Life”.

Teddy bear donations to be distributed to bereaved families through Elizabeth Ministry (St. Matthew & St. Nicholas Chapters).  Please RSVP:  info (at)littlelightofheaven.com.  Visit littlelightofheaven.com for more info.  

Goodnight Sweetheart…Prayer for Our Baby In Heaven

We started teaching our son prayers in utero and are grateful that we did!  From the very first day we were given the news that our baby existed, we spoke to, and prayed with our tiny Sweetheart. 

Throughout our pregnancy, I wrote letters to our little one, and then shared them afterwards with his Daddy.  Instinctively, these little notes often included a prayer.  Our day always ended with night prayers together as a family; “let’s pray baby!” we would say.  In our hearts, we knew our baby was listening no matter how small he or she happened to be. 

The following prayer is included in a book called A Treasury of Prayers (2010) which is published by the Parishioners of Saint Nicholas Roman Catholic Church.  We submitted this in honour of Keaton and to perhaps inspire others to remember their little ones when they pray.  

It brings us a lot of comfort knowing that although Keaton is no longer in our arms, we are still able to pray as a family each and every day, just like we did when we were pregnant and expecting the arrival of our first born.  We have faith that as we hold hands in prayer here on earth, our son also joins us with praises from heaven. 

Goodnight sweetheart, we love you…     

PRAYER FOR OUR BABY

Dearest Little One, may our Heavenly Father bless and protect you, keeping you safe wherever you may go.  Mommy and Daddy love you very much and always will.  We are so thankful to be given the gift of life from God, our Creator.  Pray my child, that Jesus will cradle you in His arms as you continue to grow in His peace and love.  May you be nourished spiritually by this love, remembering that our love for you is also never-ending.  We joyfully anticipate the day when we will be able to see you face to face, look into your innocent eyes and hold you in our arms together.  Amen