Author Archives: Light Mama

Tears At Church

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All children, every single one, are a gift.   In early days of my grief journey, seeing little ones had the power to take my breath away as I missed my baby boy with such raw intensity, but I always considered the children around me as blessings.

Other babylost moms just shook their heads when I told them that I was still able to go to baby showers and rarely declined invitations to play dates when my friend’s got the kids together.  I have always enjoyed being around children and did not stop loving those around me.

Just because Keaton was no longer here physically in my own arms, does not mean I resented that there were others who had healthy babies resting in theirs.  I love going to church and seeing young families there.  You may catch me cooing at babies and adoring infants, and watching with wonder toddlers who are around the age that my son would be.

What would Keaton be like?  Would he be charming the people in pews behind us during Mass and playing peek-a-boo?  Would he be smiling and laughing at other children and trying to break free from my loving embrace when we were supposed to be kneeling silently?  Most likely.

Admittedly, there are moments when I miss Keaton so much that it is almost too much to bear.  Innocent triggers that remind me of him tug at my emotions, and no matter how hard I try to be strong, the flood of tears are just too much to hold in and I have to simply let them flow freely.

One morning during Mass, every little voice, whimper and giggle of a child, even in the very back of the church, I was able to sense clearly.  No matter how hard I tried to tune out the faint cries of the hungry newborn, it stood out above the rest and that is all I could focus on.  All I wanted to do was to cuddle my son.

Being at church is my sanctuary, it is my time to open my heart to Jesus and to consciously wipe away any kind of mask that I find myself having to wear to protect “others” from seeing my grief.  Mass is also the time when I speak directly to my little boy and tell him how much he means to us and how much he is loved.  The peace I feel after talking to him is an incredible blessing that I wish I could share with all bereaved parents for them to also experience.

I am so grateful for these special moments during Mass that give me joy, they greatly outweigh the painful ones, like these… 

Tears of Love: A Poem

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Tears of Love

For Baby Keaton 

Aching silence magnifies my sadness. 

Why…

Your rest is eternal.

All I can think of

 

 Is you.

 

Relentless…

Tears of love,

Surround me.

Eternally.

***

Dearest Keaton,

Mama misses you, so, so much.

I miss you all the time, but today,

I’ve been left with my thoughts and

aching silence magnifies my sadness. 

I had a little cry at church today, I’m sure you understand

 

Why…

 

Surrounded by young families,

Little ones around your age;

Singing, laughing, playing in the aisles,

Cranky sweet sounding whispers asking “why?”

And soft whimpers wanting to be held

because soon it will be nap time.

For them, but not you.

 

Your rest is eternal…

 

Cuddled by their mommies and daddies

Reassuring them with kisses, I dare not turn around.

It is too difficult to watch, it is hard enough to listen

Although I try my best to concentrate

On something else

All I can think of

Is you.

 

The more I try to stop my lip from quivering

The faster the tears pool

In the corner of my misty eyes.

 

Relentless…

 

And during the solitude of prayers

I let them fall freely,

And I am exposed, but it doesn’t matter

Tears of love,

The droplets spill down my cheeks

And I don’t even bother to wipe them away.

Why should I?

And I am comforted by the thought

Of your presence in this place

One of the only places

I can feel your heavenly arms

Surround me.

Even though I cry sometimes,

I am at peace knowing you are here.

My baby boy, Mama loves you

Eternally.

xoxo

~ Written September 2010 ~

Healing and Grieving an Ongoing Process for Families

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Bereaved parents and family members 18 to 80+ years of age attended the infant and child bereavement workshop on May 30th “Hope and Healing After the Loss of an Infant or Young Child”.  Guest Speaker Denis E. Boyd, R. Psych.  delivered a sincere and compelling talk about living through grief and the common challenges that bereaved couples face. 

The audience was made up of mothers, fathers, support professionals as well as siblings and grandparents.  Tips about what healthy grief looks like seemed to hit home with many people as heads bobbed up and down when the speakers related their stories of hope and healing.  A shared sense of relief was felt knowing that the thoughts and feelings – likened to a roller coaster ride – are normal reactions after the loss of a child.  

Many told me that the most powerful part of the program was meeting with others in the discussion groups and having other people such as family and friends, recognize that healing is an ongoing process.  We shared ideas on how to deal with frustrating things others say or do, helpful resources that were available, and ways to honour our children, especially during special dates.

Please contact me at info (at) littlelightofheaven.com if you are interested in attending future workshops and events.

Birthday Heartache

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Today I took time to honour baby Michael who turned one today.

I met with two other babylost moms and a sweet rainbow baby (referring to a younger sibling after a loss), who is now a toddler, for a walk at the beach this morning.  It was cloudy and there was a definite chill in the air, but the conversation was warm as we strolled along the boardwalk talking about life and how it will forever be changed as we continue to miss and love our babies.  

Between us, we have four little ones in heaven, one on the way and due in the next few months; one that walked beside us chatting away (keeping all of us smiling and very entertained!); and one named Michael that remains in the hearts of his adoptive parents who were asked to give him back only after a short time with him. 

This being said, I still support adoption 100%. 

Yes, there is potential for heartache and risk that the adoption will fall through.  However, for some, this is a price they are willing to pay for the opportunity to welcome a child into their lives. 

What most people do not know is that there are many, many couples and families in Canada who are on the waiting list to adopt, but sadly, most will not be given the chance to adopt successfully.  It is my prayer that birth moms and dads who are unable to take care of their babies, will seriously consider giving their children to these loving adoptive families to raise.   

Adoption is the ultimate gift of life to your child.  I have seen first-hand how wonderful adoption can be and know families who have adopted children.  These children are being brought up in stable, loving homes — some with other siblings who just adore them.     

Dear Michael,

Happy Birthday!  Know that you are thought of often and that your family loves you and misses you very much.  We pray that you are being taken care of and that you will see your family again one day for a visit.

Much love,

Auntie

xoxo    

The Love I Still Have, On Mother’s Day

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This was written a few months after my son’s birth/death and published in *The BC Catholic May 11, 2009.  Wishing you all a blessed and gentle Mother’s Day as we remember our children knowing that we will always be mothers to these precious children in heaven. 

 ~ Written in Loving Memory of Baby Keaton Dominic ~ 

Born into Eternal Life Jan. 16, 2009.

Almighty God, giver of all that is good, we thank You for the precious gift of human life:  for life in the womb, coming from your creative power…

(Beginning excerpt from the Prayer for Reverence for Life, Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver)

On the Friday before Mother’s Day last year I was driving to work in a semi-conscious state, as I had slept in and was running a bit late.  I had skipped breakfast, so my stomach was grumbling and I was only half-listening to the radio.   

My ears perked up when I heard the female announcer say, “Happy Mother’s Day weekend to all the mothers-to-be out there!”  The other radio DJ jokingly answered, “They aren’t mothers yet!  Can we say that to a pregnant woman?”

“Of course!” The female DJ shot back in a cheery voice.   “They count!”  This little tit-for-tat got me thinking and I was now fully alert.

“What if I am going to be a mom?’ I wondered.  This thought took my breath away.  “What if I am pregnant and I don’t even know it?!”  I whispered out loud with a lump in my throat.  My eyes began to mist, and the tears that started to emerge took me by surprise. 

My husband and I had only started trying to conceive a few months earlier, and I did not want to get my hopes up by getting too excited or emotional.  We had been married for almost nine years and because of some health issues, I had to be on medication for quite a long time. 

I had been warned by several doctors that the drugs I had been prescribed could harm a baby and should not be taken while pregnant.  On the other hand my doctor knew how important it was for me to have a child and urged us not to wait too long. 

I finally decided to stop taking the medication after a distinct dream I had one night.   The only thing I could remember was waking up startled and the faint echo of a young voice exclaiming, “Mommy, I want to be born!”  How could I argue with this request?

For almost half a year I became sick, struggling as I no longer had a crutch to suppress my immune system.  I had faith, however, that God would help me, and I knew that staying off the prescription medication was the right thing to do.  My maternal instincts were very strong and I knew that it would be worth the pain.

“Please, God, gift us with a baby.  All I ask, is for You to bless us with at least one.”   I did not know at the time, but it turned out we were already a few weeks pregnant last Mother’s Day.  Perhaps it was God Who sent me that special message that morning as I drove to work. 

After my doctor confirmed that I indeed was carrying precious cargo and my baby was growing inside, we were slightly stunned, but still thrilled.  My prayers were finally answered, and my dream of starting a family was about to come true! 

“This child is Yours, Lord, and will always know and love You.  Please keep our baby safe.”  This was my daily prayer and heartfelt promise to Jesus.   

We considered this child, our first and only one so far, to be a miracle because we had to wait so long, but we were beyond excited and could hardly believe that we would soon be meeting our little one. 

Our beautiful baby at 34 weeks

Several months ago, while I was in the last few weeks of the pregnancy, I thought about how we would celebrate my first Mother’s Day, all three of us finally together.  However, for some reason, I was still cautious. 

Our son or daughter was due to be born on January 19, 2009.  This was extra special because the baby was expected to arrive almost 20 years after our first date back in January 1989 as we had been high school sweethearts since then. 

Sadly, we did not celebrate our 20th anniversary.  Instead, our dreams were shattered, because on Jan. 16, only three days before he was due, our son was born sleeping.  Our precious baby had gently passed away in my womb only hours before his birth; there was nothing the medical staff or I could have done to save him. 

We were absolutely devastated.  The agony and excruciating pain I felt as I cradled his lifeless body was indescribable.  I did not want to let my baby go…

We named our little angel, Keaton Dominic and we miss him terribly.  Our beautiful boy was born with such a peaceful look on his perfect and plump face.  His sweet lips formed an unforgettable smile reassuring us that he was happy and that he had already soared to heaven.  We take great comfort in knowing that Keaton is now safe in heaven and that he will always love and be loved by Our Lord. 

It has been difficult, but I have slowly come to terms with how God answered my prayers.  On Sundays, when we pray the Reverence for Life prayer during Mass, I instinctively touch my tummy and often have to fight back tears.  This prayer has such special meaning now. 

I cannot help but visualize Keaton’s tiny white casket placed in front of the altar at St. Nicholas Church, where we held his prayer service and offered his funeral Mass.  The baptismal font where Father John would have baptized our son was just a few strides away.  When I go to church and look at the water, it stings knowing that Keaton was just not meant to be baptised in our our arms.   

 

This Mother’s Day I will joyfully honour my mom and mother-in-law, but my heart will also weep, as I will not be able to hold our baby on what was to be our first Mother’s Day together.  I am still a mother and always will be; as our Catholic faith teaches, we became parents the moment our son was conceived.  Even though Keaton did not take a breath and I did not get a chance to gaze into his innocent eyes, I love him just as fiercely as any other mother loves her child. 

Keaton, Mama & Papa

Thank you, my little angel, for the blessings you have given us, as they are many.  We love you very much!  Thank you, God, for giving us baby Keaton, our miracle child who now resides with You in heaven and will remain in our hearts forever.

Like Blessed Mary, may we always say “YES” to Your gift.  May we defend it and promote it from conception to its natural end. And bring us at last, O father, to the fullness of eternal life in Jesus Christ, our Lord.   Amen.

(Ending excerpt from the Prayer for Reverence for Life,  Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver)

This was written in loving memory of our son and dedicated to all the mothers and fathers who will “celebrate” Mother’s Day with empty arms.  Here is my heartfelt prayer to you:

May God grant us the strength and peace needed to endure our grief so that we are able to celebrate, on this day, our babies, who have died and were born into Eternal Life.  We parents pray that the Holy Spirit will give us direction so we can live our lives with great purpose and meaning.  We thank You, Lord, for all Your blessings, and have faith that Your ultimate desire is for us to join You in heaven, where we hope to be reunited with our children.  In the meantime, may You and Our Blessed Mother hold them safe in Your loving arms.   Amen. 

 *Reprinted with permission 

Happy Easter my Love….

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Dearest Keaton,

Mama and Papa miss you Sweetie and hope you had a wonderful Easter in Heaven.  It must have been glorious to be able to spend it with Jesus.  At Church today, I was a bit distracted by the little ones around us wearing their bright Easter outfits and couldn’t help but smile at them.  It was also great to see the older children rush outside after the service, excited about the much anticipated Easter egg hunt that was planned. 

I often see other toddlers around your age and wish that I could catch a glimpse of what you look like now.  Thankfully, when I close my eyes and kneel down to pray after Communion, I often feel your presence quite strongly which can make me teary of course; but these are bittersweet moments that I really do cherish.  It is so nice to be able to spend time with you at Mass son, what a beautiful gift…   

What really matters to us is that we know that you are happy and safe in heaven.   Even though we wish there was a way you could be here in our arms, we know that you never really left.   You will always be a part of our lives and that will never change. 

Going to the cemetery for a visit seems to ease the ache in our hearts and we like spending time there.  Daddy and I like to trim the grass around your special spot with scissors, clean your marker with fresh water, pick out the weeds in the children’s area and tend to your plants.  We hope you like the little bunny figurine we left in your flower pot and will come for another visit soon…

Goodnight Sweetheart,

Mama & Papa

xoxox   

Daffodils For My Darling: The Gift of Hospice

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Earlier in the week, I was at an event and there were a number of businesses and non-profit organizations there.  As I walked past some tables, a vase full of flower stems caught my eye and I met a friendly woman at the Abbotsford Hospice Society booth named Marion.  We ended up chatting and I told her that I had visited the local hospice in my area after we lost our son a couple of years ago.  She immediately held out her hand and reached out to me with sincere care and compassion.  Marion told me that she also lost a loved one and was now involved with raising funds as the Capital Campaign Manager for ‘Help Us Light The Way’ to support the services offered by the Abbotsford Hospice. 

We both agreed that hospices are needed in our communities and can make a difference in the lives of families missing a family member or dear friend.  For about a year after Keaton died, I received excellent one-on-one grief support from a well-trained therapist.  It amazes me that the services offered at the hospice were free of charge.  Grief counselling and various support groups are available to those living in the catchment area.  Contact your local organization for more information. 

Many hospices need support to be able to continue providing services so it is important to keep them in mind if you are looking for a worthy cause to donate to.  For example, think about setting aside gently used items and bringing them to a hospice thrift shop.  How about visiting one of these thrift stores the next time you want to go shopping for a unique treasure? 

Monetary funds are needed, but hospices are often looking for volunteers so the gift of time, or resources such as books on grief and other items are welcome.  Businesses can help too!  For example, Lakeland Nurseries kindly dropped off a large donation of flowers for the Abbotsford Hospice to hand out to people attending the event.  Before I left, Marion made sure to give me a bunch.  “They are in honour of your son” she said knowingly with a smile. 

I went home with a fistful of neatly bundled stems topped with little buds and wondered to myself how long it would take for them to grow, but I didn’t have to wonder for long!  Overnight, they bloomed into full daffodils and bright yellow flowers greeted me in the morning.  What a nice surprise…

Through a ministry that I have started, I am collecting teddy bears to give to bereaved families.  I received a message just this morning that someone wants to send me a few dozen teddy bears.  She is moving and thought it would be a good time to pass them on.  How great is that?!  These bears will be lovingly delivered to the local hospices and hospitals in surrounding areas and given directly to parents and siblings missing a little one.  For myself, receiving the gift for Keaton knowing that someone has taken the time to care makes me think about what little things I can do to let others know that they are not alone.        

If you are grieving the loss of a loved one and would like support, consider seeking out services that may be available in your community by contacting: 

bcbereavementhelpline.com.  In the Lower Mainland 604.738.9950 and throughout BC 1.877.779.2223

If there is a hospice nearby, it might be worthwhile to see if grief counselling, support groups and events are available. 

To support the Abbotsford Hospice Contact:

Marion Keys, Capital Campaign Manager – Help Us Light The Way at 60(four).852.2456 or MarionKeys(at)abbotsfordhospice(dot)org or visit them at abbotsfordhospice.org  

HOSPICE NEWS & UPDATES

Great news!  Canuck Place is expanding services to the Fraser Valley.  The Canuck Place Children’s Hospice will be located next to the Abbotsford Regional Hospital. 

The Surrey Hospice Society is hosting a Walk of Remembrance & Dove Release on May 7th.  I participated in this event last year and went with a group of other bereaved parents that I knew.  It was meaningful to be able to release a dove for Keaton and walk with others who understood my journey.   I wish you peace in yours…       

Note:  If your organization would like us to publish a link to help promote an event for bereaved families, please feel free to contact us and we would be happy to do so. 

Infant Bereavement Workshop May 30th – Details

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If you know of anyone who might benefit from attending this session, please let them know!

HOPE & HEALING
AFTER THE LOSS OF AN INFANT OR YOUNG CHILD
 
Mon., May 30th 6:30pm – 9:30pm 

St. Nicholas Church – 20675 87th Ave., Langley (Walnut Grove), BC

SPEAKERS:  Denis E. Boyd, MA, Registered Psychologist & Donna L. Crombie, BA

This workshop is for those grieving the loss of a younger child, infant or baby who has died at birth, or during pregnancy as a result of stillbirth or miscarriage.  It is also geared towards caregivers and volunteers dedicated to supporting these families. 

Hear from an experienced therapist who works with bereaved families and a parent who will share her faith-based journey in search of hope and healing after the loss of her baby.  Discuss healthy ways to work through the grief process and ideas on how to honour your child.  You are not alone…meet others who understand what it is like to love and miss a little one.

Denis Boyd has been providing counselling for over 30 years.  He has special interest in assisting individuals and couples in areas such as grief, stress and marriage.  Donna is a Babylost Mom and coordinates events and workshops to help support bereaved families.Discuss ways to work through the grief process and ideas on how to honour your child.  You are not alone…meet others who understand what it is like to love and miss a little one.    
 
Who might be interested in attending?  Parents, adult family members and friends.  Professionals and volunteers who support bereaved families after the loss of a young life are also encouraged to attend.  Note that caregivers will be given the opportunity to hear first-hand the kind of support bereaved families need, as well as share ideas with one another in a group setting.  

Topics that will be covered include the following: 


·        Grieving a baby, infant or child
·        You mean I’m not going crazy?
·        Dealing with potential abandonment by friends & family
·        Healthy and unhealthy grief reactions
·        Differing grief patterns e.g. why does my spouse not understand? 
·        Coping strategies and getting better
 
Surviving the Loss of a Baby:  A story of Faith, Hope and Healing
 
·        The roller coaster ride of grief
·        Finding grace in grief
·        Towards hope
·        Healing as an ongoing process
·        Once a mom always a mom…where do I go from here?

Interactive Discussion & Group Work
 
·        Coping through ‘angelversaries’ and other significant dates
·        What has helped or hindered in the recovery after a loss whether it was an ectopic pregnancy, miscarriage, stillbirth, early infant death, SIDS or the death of a child 3 +
·        Honouring and remembering your child
·        Effective strategies and resources to support help bereaved families

Cost:  $30/person or 2 tickets for $55.  After May 16th – $35/person or 2 tickets for $65.  Partial proceeds will be donated to organizations that support bereaved parents.

REGISTRATION

Pls. call: Denis Boyd & Associates at 604.931.7(two)11 to pre-register.  Email:  info(at)littlelightofheaven.com for more info.

The Birth of Our Little Saint into Heaven

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My Faithful Search for a Doula

The Difference Sandy Made in Healing My Heart 

Excerpts published in “The Doula Spirit” Summer issue 2009 (printed with permission).

~ In Loving Memory of Baby Keaton, born into Eternal Life January, 2009 ~  

After being forced to wait for nine years, our miracle child was due January 19th 2009.  At first, I wasn’t sure about having a Doula at our birth; however, the more I thought about it, the more I warmed up to the idea.  We were scheduled to deliver at the hospital, and it made sense to have someone else there to consistently support me and my husband as we were both ‘hospital-phobic’. 

We only had a handful of pre-natal classes left, and the instructor talked about the benefits of having a Doula, and I also just purchased a fabulous book, “Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth.”  After watching a few more birthing videos in class, and seeing how much support a birthing coach can provide, I now knew that hiring a Doula was the right decision.  It was already December, and baby was due to arrive just over a month later.  We realized that we made up our minds a little late, and securing someone for January was going to be nothing short of a miracle. 

In my heart I knew that for me to be completely comfortable, I wanted our Doula to be Christian, and if possible, Catholic.  Why?  I knew that I would likely be praying between contractions, and wanted my birthing coach to pray along with me, just in case I forgot the words!  I planned to have my rosary close at hand…

I went to the Doula Services Association website, said a quick prayer, and started my research.  I was specifically looking for practitioners that had web sites so I could narrow my search efficiently.  A few Doulas had dedicated email addresses thereby indicating that a related web site existed, and one of them was Sandy Lopez.  I was pleased to find that her web site handmaidendoula.com featured the tagline “One of God’s greatest gifts is motherhood.”  It is truly a gift that I was blessed to be a mother after having to wait for so long.  It turns out, Sandy was of the same faith, and after meeting with her several times, and speaking to her references, I was able to put my mind at ease.  In more ways than one, I am so glad that we chose Sandy as our Birthing Coach.       

Four days before our due date, I went into labour.  After my water broke, and between the contractions which were now only 10 minutes apart, I felt concerned and tried to connect with our baby.  “Talk to mommy!” I urged our son or daughter while rubbing my tummy.  Throughout the pregnancy, I would often ask our little one to “talk” to me.  Usually without fail, I got an answer within minutes and “Doodle Monkey” would respond with many kicks and jabs, but not this time.  At 1am in the morning, we sped to the hospital as contractions were down to about 6 minutes apart.  I felt in the pit of my stomach that something was terribly wrong.  “Please let our baby be ok…” I kept whispering under my breath.

When we finally got into the assessment room, the Nurses tried to find the baby’s heartbeat.  They searched and searched, but still could not find it.  I had heard the sweet and familiar “whoosh-whoosh-whoosh” sound of our child’s heart at the doctor’s office just two days before.  Pointing to the lower left-side of my bulging belly, I tried to be calm, and explained “the baby’s heartbeat is always right here!” and asked that the Nurses please check again.  I didn’t like the grave looks that they had on their faces.  An ultrasound wand was then placed on my stomach, but they could not detect any movement either.  After hearing this, I told my husband to call my parents right away and asked them all to pray.  I also urged him to call Sandy our Doula for her to come to the hospital.  My husband took my hand, made his best attempt at a smile, and reassured me that they were on their way…

I was now motivated to deliver our baby quickly so that the medical staff could do whatever was needed to save our son or daughter.  After only 45 minutes of hard labour, with Sandy and my mom at our side, our baby boy was born, but it was too late.  Our precious son had gently passed away only hours before his birth.  It turns out, he had his fist wrapped around his umbilical cord, and cut off his own circulation.  There was nothing the medical staff or I could have done to save him.  We were all devastated and it was clear that everyone in the room was shaken.   

The doctor gently wrapped our son up in a towel, and carefully placed him in my arms.  He was absolutely beautiful, and just looked like he was sound asleep.  Our son was born with such a peaceful look on his face; his lips formed a cute little smile reassuring us that he was happy, and that he had already soared to heaven.  I cannot even begin to describe how I felt as I cradled my son’s lifeless body for many, many hours.  I wasn’t at all ready to let my newborn go…We named our little angel “Keaton Dominic” and miss him terribly. 

 
 

Our baby boy at peace

 

We will always love and miss Keaton; however, we have not lost faith.  We were sent many caring people like Sandy to help us get through such a shocking, and difficult time.  It may be hard to believe, but I am at peace with Keaton’s death.  I know my son is in heaven which means he is being taken care of, and is very happy. 

I experienced firsthand the positive way in which birthing attendants can impact the healing process.  There are many things that Sandy did which helped us bond with, and take care of our newborn.  It was Sandy who prompted to us create meaningful memories by taking pictures of Keaton, suggesting that we unwrap, and take a good look at our son, and to dress him.  I have now come to realize how significant these gestures of love are in the grieving, and healing process.  The following letter I wrote to Sandy provides a clearer picture of what I mean: 

March 9, 2009

Dear Sandy,

It was great speaking with you today, thank you for all your encouragement, and support as well as your prayers.  As I mentioned, you were an important part of our pregnancy, and an integral part of the memories of Keaton that we now have to cherish.  As you know, we were in complete shock when I delivered our precious son; we likely would not have done some important things that I am so grateful to have done because of you.   Much of this precious time was a blur, but the suggestions that you made to us at the time have made all the difference in our healing. 

For example, I was afraid to even fully take a look at Keaton at first, but I am now glad you mentioned this, and encouraged me to do so.  We also weren’t sure if we wanted photos, and my hands were too weak to dress him myself…Looking back, I would have been heartbroken if I did not have those initial photos to remember Keaton by, cry over, and smile at.  I yearn for the chance to see, and hold my baby boy again which I cannot do until we meet him again in heaven.  The pictures you took are the only ones we have where I was cradling him.  I am afraid that had you not been there, I would have kept Keaton all wrapped up.  Thank you for suggesting that it was alright to take a look, and to dress him.  I have read other parents’ stories of how they were not given the opportunity to bond with their baby.  It is now tragically too late for them to do these important things that I was able to do.  

We are also very thankful for the care that we received from the Doctors, Nurses and Social Workers and we wish to help support them when they care for parents like us.  As a result of our experience, I am planning to create a short resource sheet meant for hospital staff to provide to patients.  This letter is specifically meant for future parents who have lost a baby due to miscarriage, stillbirth or shortly after birth.  If you have any suggestions that might help, I welcome your thoughts, and value your professional opinion.   I am working on this as I strongly feel a calling to do so in memory of Keaton’s beautiful life.    

I look forward to meeting with you again, to share our experiences and to hear in detail how you helped us deliver our blessed little angel into God’s hands.  I appreciate your offer to write down our birth story.  I hope this is not too much to ask…

If you have any thoughts or suggestions for us please let us know.  We will try to conceive another miracle child, and will be certain to give you a call as soon as we find out we are pregnant, but will give ourselves time to grieve our first born in a healthy manner before doing so.  We greatly respect you, and your experience, and we are so fortunate that God lead us to a Catholic Doula who shares our faith.  We will ask little Keaton to pray for you, and your family, and to also look over all the other mothers, fathers, and the babies that you help deliver.  Thank you again Sandy!

Peace & hugs

Keaton’s Mommy & Daddy

~~

Additional Note:  To find a Certified Doula, visit Doula International and you can do a search by location and area of specialty.  In BC Canada, visit the Doula Services Association of BC where you can also do an online search.