Category Archives: Events & Updates

2nd Annual Feast of the Holy Innocents Infant Loss Service

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For some, Christmas is about the joy of having family and little ones around and for this reason, the holiday season can be difficult for those whose infants have died.  Last evening, grieving parents, grandparents, siblings, and friends braved the cold, rainy weather and gathered in the warm atmosphere at St. Ann’s Parish for their 2nd annual Infant Remembrance Mass in Abbotsford.

This candlelight service was offered just a few days after Christmas on Dec.28th for the celebration of the Feast of the Holy Innocents and the timing couldn’t have been more perfect.  Pastor James Hughes noted that it was not by mistake that this date was chosen for this special Mass. 

During the service, families were invited to honour their infants by lighting a candle and placing the votives on a table in front of the altar.  As more and more candles were set beside one another, the lights emitted a peaceful glow and dancing shadows were seen on the white table cloth during the Mass.  Close by, the Infant Jesus was displayed in a manger with His arms stretched out to welcome us.

Well over 100 people attended this solemn event traveling from as far away as Washington State, the Sunshine Coast as well as parts of the Greater Vancouver area.  Many people of various ages, backgrounds and faiths attended.  “I wish we had a service like this in my community” a grieving mother said to me.  “It is nice for our children to meet others who understand what it is like to lose a sibling,” another mom and dad shared.   

In his homily, Father openly shared that he has grown to appreciate the need to reach out to families suffering from infant loss due to ectopic pregnancy, miscarriage, fatal diagnosis, pregnancy complications, stillbirth, illness and sudden infant death.  “These children are also considered ‘Holy Innocents’ and have the important role of praying for us” he explained.  Father James went on to say that the pain of couples struggling with infertility also needs to be recognized.  He also praised and prayed for bereavement support workers and professionals dedicated to assisting these families.  

At the reception, families were invited to sign a Book of Life and choose a hand-decorated pot of forget-me-not flowers.  It is important to note that when Devan Greenhouses heard what the plants were for, they insisted that the pots were to be donated as a gift from the nursery to bereaved families.  The evening was kindly coordinated by Fr. James and a number of families at the Parish.  We are thankful for so many blessings! 

It was comforting to meet other bereaved parents and families at this event.  I was happy to greet familiar faces and meet some new friends too.  Thank you to the team of ladies led by Jody at St. Ann’s  for organizing such a wonderful remembrance service for our children.  Special thanks to Father Hughes for your amazing support. 

Click here for a description of the 2010 Service.

Please see events page for future Infant Loss Services and other related events.        

Celebrating Our Infants: The Feast of The Holy Innocents

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December 28 2011 – Infant Loss Memorial Service at St. Ann’s Parish, Abbotsford

For the second year, St Ann’s Parish (33333 Mayfair Ave Abbotsford) will host a special remembrance on the Feast of the Holy Innocents, December 28th. Mass is at 7pm, reception to follow.

This service is for parents and loved ones of all babies lost to miscarriage, pre-term birth, stillbirth, and infant death.  Anyone who is grieving due to post abortion trauma is also welcome.

Bereaved parents, friends and other family members are invited to come and celebrate the all-too-brief lives of their dearly loved and missed babies. Please visit St. Ann’s Parish website for future bulletins and more details as the feast day draws nearer.

2010 Program and white angel memento given to families

Here is an account of what I experienced at this service last year:

Celebration of Life Remembrance Service Dec. 28th

Bereaved parents, family members and friends were invited to the Celebration of Life Remembrance Service at St. Ann’s Parish in Abbotsford to honour infants and babies who have died during pregnancy, at birth and shortly after birth.  On this day, the Feast of the Holy Innocents has been set aside in some Christian traditions to remember little ones who have died much too soon.

In the program, a number of quotes and scriptures were included, but the one that struck me the most was the following by Mother M. Angelica.  When I started reading this quote, the words resonated deep within and my eyes got teary even before the service started:

My Lord, the baby is dead!

 Why, my Lord—dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents’ face—it will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise. Why, my Lord?

 “Why, My child—do you ask ‘why’? Well, I will tell you why.

 You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty—he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”

                                                                                        Mother M. Angelica

St. Ann's Book of Life

I cried quite a few tears that evening, but they were healing tears rather than bitter tears of despair that I cried in the many months immediately after my son’s death. 

During the service Father James Hughes, Pastor at St. Ann’s acknowledged that the Christmas season may not be a joyful time of celebration for all families, especially those mourning the loss of a child.  It was his hope that remembrance Masses like these would help bring hope and healing to grieving parents and family members.    

What I found particularly touching was the part of the remembrance celebration when parents and siblings were invited to light a candle in memory of our little one(s).  We all gathered at the entrance way and one by one, about 30 of us lit a candle carefully cradling our tiny light and carrying it up to the table.  It was a beautiful sight to see all of the votives placed together creating a soft flickering glow for the remainder of the Mass.   

Thank you Jody and Karen for requesting this special service.  To Father James and St. Ann’s Parish, we appreciate you setting aside this time for us to gather together to love, remember and honour our children especially during the holidays. 

Pls. note:  An Elizabeth Minister will be at this event, email:  info(at)littlelightofheaven(dot) com if you would like to meet at this event.

All Saints’ Day – Remembering Our Little Innocents

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It is Halloween, the night before All Hallows or All Saints’ Day.  As I write this, various firecrackers and fireworks can be heard screeching, ‘ka-booming’ and crackling throughout the neighbourhood.  The chatter of excited children are in the background.  On this nippy October evening, it is not surprising that we’ve had dozens of trick o’treaters at our door already. 

I always enjoy handing out the candy; the delight on the little painted faces when I hold the bowl of treats in front of them is priceless.  But I understand how Halloween can be such a sad time for babylost parents.  For example, one bereaved parent that I know came up with the term “Boo-humbug” to express her feelings about Halloween.  For us, the last few years have been more difficult of course, but for some reason, there is a part of me that still enjoys seeing the children and I feel compelled to be the one to give out candy in our household.  

The toddlers dressed up in warm, fuzzy costumes make my heart melt like chocolate.  This year, my favourite costumes were a chicken, bumble bee, and fairy.  This evening, when I heard a light knock at the door, that sounded about knee-high, I braced myself because I knew it was likely a smaller child around Keaton’s age, who would greet me with a smiley “twick-o-tweet!”.  Awww, they were all so cute!

I imagine Keaton – who would be around 3 yrs. old now – would have enjoyed going to the pumpkin patch and getting his photos taken.  I know he would have ran around with the other kids, picking out a pumpkin that was just his size and we would have taken it home and carved a friendly face on it together.  My guess is that our son would have been a cutie hanging out with his 6 month old “dinosaur” cousin, all dressed up in a costume too.  I wonder what Keaton would be like right now?  What costume would we have chosen for him?

But, what if Halloween represented much more than just dressing up in costumes and running around the neighbourhood trying to get as much candy as possible?  From my Filipino roots, I knew that relatives spent time at the cemetery around this time of year and today, I wanted to learn more about what this was all about.  It turns out that in certain cultures, All Hallows begins at midnight on Oct.31st and marks the beginning of All Saints’ Day and celebrations for the Day of The Dead.

Solemnity of All Saints     

The Feast of All Saints’ is celebrated by Catholics and other Christians on Nov.1st  in honour of all Saints who are known and unknown.  In Mexico, deceased infants and children or “angelitos” (little angels) are remembered and honoured on this first day of celebration also called Día de los Inocentes (“Day of the Innocents”).  Click here to read about ways to honour and remember relatives who have passed on and for more specific prayers that can be said. 

As for me, I’ll be attending Mass tomorrow and visiting my little angelito at his gravesite.  I will also be praying for bereaved parents and taking time to remember the heavenly saints whom we know, love and adore.  Happy All Saints’ Day children…

 

Meet Me Near the “Baby Tree” – Oct.15th Infant Remembrance Service

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October is Infant and Child Death Awareness Month.  The annual Infant Loss Remembering Service is scheduled to take place on Sat. Oct.15, 2011 at 1pm and is presented by the support group Mourning Mothers.

This Remembering Service will be held at the “Baby Tree” at Langley Lawn Cemetery, 4393 208 St. for parents and family members grieving the loss of an infant.  Mourning Mothers has also dedicated a plaque near this special tree in memory of babies who have died during pregnancy.

Last year was the first year I attended the event and it was a beautiful gathering.  We were invited to light candles and write the names of our children on wooden signs and place them on one of the branches of the Baby Tree.  Large and colourful butterflies complimented the fall leaves that also adorned the tree.  

 

Flower petals were given to each person to spread around the angel figurines near the plaque and families were welcome to say a prayer and share short speeches.  The ceremony concluded with the release of doves.  It was truly breathtaking to watch the white flock of birds gracefully circle above us before flying up towards heaven.      

For more info, call Susan at 604-575-031-three.  The service is non-denominational.

* Please visit the Little Light of Heaven Events page for other upcoming events and have a blessed Thanksgiving weekend.

 

 

Important Update: Little Light email messages

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This is a quick note to let everyone know that unfortunately, the email addresses for the Little Light of Heaven site have not been working properly for the past few months.  It has just been brought to our attention that we were unable to receive messages sent from most email providers; however, we have been told that the issue has now been resolved and apologize for any inconvenience.

If you have attempted to email/contact us directly and didn’t get a response, please try again.  We value your suggestions, comments and questions so please consider contacting us again.  We would love to hear from you!

An update about the workshop, memorial service and teddy bear tea will be posted shortly.

Thank you for your patience,

Keaton’s mom

Healing and Grieving an Ongoing Process for Families

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Bereaved parents and family members 18 to 80+ years of age attended the infant and child bereavement workshop on May 30th “Hope and Healing After the Loss of an Infant or Young Child”.  Guest Speaker Denis E. Boyd, R. Psych.  delivered a sincere and compelling talk about living through grief and the common challenges that bereaved couples face. 

The audience was made up of mothers, fathers, support professionals as well as siblings and grandparents.  Tips about what healthy grief looks like seemed to hit home with many people as heads bobbed up and down when the speakers related their stories of hope and healing.  A shared sense of relief was felt knowing that the thoughts and feelings – likened to a roller coaster ride – are normal reactions after the loss of a child.  

Many told me that the most powerful part of the program was meeting with others in the discussion groups and having other people such as family and friends, recognize that healing is an ongoing process.  We shared ideas on how to deal with frustrating things others say or do, helpful resources that were available, and ways to honour our children, especially during special dates.

Please contact me at info (at) littlelightofheaven.com if you are interested in attending future workshops and events.

The Love I Still Have, On Mother’s Day

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This was written a few months after my son’s birth/death and published in *The BC Catholic May 11, 2009.  Wishing you all a blessed and gentle Mother’s Day as we remember our children knowing that we will always be mothers to these precious children in heaven. 

 ~ Written in Loving Memory of Baby Keaton Dominic ~ 

Born into Eternal Life Jan. 16, 2009.

Almighty God, giver of all that is good, we thank You for the precious gift of human life:  for life in the womb, coming from your creative power…

(Beginning excerpt from the Prayer for Reverence for Life, Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver)

On the Friday before Mother’s Day last year I was driving to work in a semi-conscious state, as I had slept in and was running a bit late.  I had skipped breakfast, so my stomach was grumbling and I was only half-listening to the radio.   

My ears perked up when I heard the female announcer say, “Happy Mother’s Day weekend to all the mothers-to-be out there!”  The other radio DJ jokingly answered, “They aren’t mothers yet!  Can we say that to a pregnant woman?”

“Of course!” The female DJ shot back in a cheery voice.   “They count!”  This little tit-for-tat got me thinking and I was now fully alert.

“What if I am going to be a mom?’ I wondered.  This thought took my breath away.  “What if I am pregnant and I don’t even know it?!”  I whispered out loud with a lump in my throat.  My eyes began to mist, and the tears that started to emerge took me by surprise. 

My husband and I had only started trying to conceive a few months earlier, and I did not want to get my hopes up by getting too excited or emotional.  We had been married for almost nine years and because of some health issues, I had to be on medication for quite a long time. 

I had been warned by several doctors that the drugs I had been prescribed could harm a baby and should not be taken while pregnant.  On the other hand my doctor knew how important it was for me to have a child and urged us not to wait too long. 

I finally decided to stop taking the medication after a distinct dream I had one night.   The only thing I could remember was waking up startled and the faint echo of a young voice exclaiming, “Mommy, I want to be born!”  How could I argue with this request?

For almost half a year I became sick, struggling as I no longer had a crutch to suppress my immune system.  I had faith, however, that God would help me, and I knew that staying off the prescription medication was the right thing to do.  My maternal instincts were very strong and I knew that it would be worth the pain.

“Please, God, gift us with a baby.  All I ask, is for You to bless us with at least one.”   I did not know at the time, but it turned out we were already a few weeks pregnant last Mother’s Day.  Perhaps it was God Who sent me that special message that morning as I drove to work. 

After my doctor confirmed that I indeed was carrying precious cargo and my baby was growing inside, we were slightly stunned, but still thrilled.  My prayers were finally answered, and my dream of starting a family was about to come true! 

“This child is Yours, Lord, and will always know and love You.  Please keep our baby safe.”  This was my daily prayer and heartfelt promise to Jesus.   

We considered this child, our first and only one so far, to be a miracle because we had to wait so long, but we were beyond excited and could hardly believe that we would soon be meeting our little one. 

Our beautiful baby at 34 weeks

Several months ago, while I was in the last few weeks of the pregnancy, I thought about how we would celebrate my first Mother’s Day, all three of us finally together.  However, for some reason, I was still cautious. 

Our son or daughter was due to be born on January 19, 2009.  This was extra special because the baby was expected to arrive almost 20 years after our first date back in January 1989 as we had been high school sweethearts since then. 

Sadly, we did not celebrate our 20th anniversary.  Instead, our dreams were shattered, because on Jan. 16, only three days before he was due, our son was born sleeping.  Our precious baby had gently passed away in my womb only hours before his birth; there was nothing the medical staff or I could have done to save him. 

We were absolutely devastated.  The agony and excruciating pain I felt as I cradled his lifeless body was indescribable.  I did not want to let my baby go…

We named our little angel, Keaton Dominic and we miss him terribly.  Our beautiful boy was born with such a peaceful look on his perfect and plump face.  His sweet lips formed an unforgettable smile reassuring us that he was happy and that he had already soared to heaven.  We take great comfort in knowing that Keaton is now safe in heaven and that he will always love and be loved by Our Lord. 

It has been difficult, but I have slowly come to terms with how God answered my prayers.  On Sundays, when we pray the Reverence for Life prayer during Mass, I instinctively touch my tummy and often have to fight back tears.  This prayer has such special meaning now. 

I cannot help but visualize Keaton’s tiny white casket placed in front of the altar at St. Nicholas Church, where we held his prayer service and offered his funeral Mass.  The baptismal font where Father John would have baptized our son was just a few strides away.  When I go to church and look at the water, it stings knowing that Keaton was just not meant to be baptised in our our arms.   

 

This Mother’s Day I will joyfully honour my mom and mother-in-law, but my heart will also weep, as I will not be able to hold our baby on what was to be our first Mother’s Day together.  I am still a mother and always will be; as our Catholic faith teaches, we became parents the moment our son was conceived.  Even though Keaton did not take a breath and I did not get a chance to gaze into his innocent eyes, I love him just as fiercely as any other mother loves her child. 

Keaton, Mama & Papa

Thank you, my little angel, for the blessings you have given us, as they are many.  We love you very much!  Thank you, God, for giving us baby Keaton, our miracle child who now resides with You in heaven and will remain in our hearts forever.

Like Blessed Mary, may we always say “YES” to Your gift.  May we defend it and promote it from conception to its natural end. And bring us at last, O father, to the fullness of eternal life in Jesus Christ, our Lord.   Amen.

(Ending excerpt from the Prayer for Reverence for Life,  Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver)

This was written in loving memory of our son and dedicated to all the mothers and fathers who will “celebrate” Mother’s Day with empty arms.  Here is my heartfelt prayer to you:

May God grant us the strength and peace needed to endure our grief so that we are able to celebrate, on this day, our babies, who have died and were born into Eternal Life.  We parents pray that the Holy Spirit will give us direction so we can live our lives with great purpose and meaning.  We thank You, Lord, for all Your blessings, and have faith that Your ultimate desire is for us to join You in heaven, where we hope to be reunited with our children.  In the meantime, may You and Our Blessed Mother hold them safe in Your loving arms.   Amen. 

 *Reprinted with permission 

Daffodils For My Darling: The Gift of Hospice

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Earlier in the week, I was at an event and there were a number of businesses and non-profit organizations there.  As I walked past some tables, a vase full of flower stems caught my eye and I met a friendly woman at the Abbotsford Hospice Society booth named Marion.  We ended up chatting and I told her that I had visited the local hospice in my area after we lost our son a couple of years ago.  She immediately held out her hand and reached out to me with sincere care and compassion.  Marion told me that she also lost a loved one and was now involved with raising funds as the Capital Campaign Manager for ‘Help Us Light The Way’ to support the services offered by the Abbotsford Hospice. 

We both agreed that hospices are needed in our communities and can make a difference in the lives of families missing a family member or dear friend.  For about a year after Keaton died, I received excellent one-on-one grief support from a well-trained therapist.  It amazes me that the services offered at the hospice were free of charge.  Grief counselling and various support groups are available to those living in the catchment area.  Contact your local organization for more information. 

Many hospices need support to be able to continue providing services so it is important to keep them in mind if you are looking for a worthy cause to donate to.  For example, think about setting aside gently used items and bringing them to a hospice thrift shop.  How about visiting one of these thrift stores the next time you want to go shopping for a unique treasure? 

Monetary funds are needed, but hospices are often looking for volunteers so the gift of time, or resources such as books on grief and other items are welcome.  Businesses can help too!  For example, Lakeland Nurseries kindly dropped off a large donation of flowers for the Abbotsford Hospice to hand out to people attending the event.  Before I left, Marion made sure to give me a bunch.  “They are in honour of your son” she said knowingly with a smile. 

I went home with a fistful of neatly bundled stems topped with little buds and wondered to myself how long it would take for them to grow, but I didn’t have to wonder for long!  Overnight, they bloomed into full daffodils and bright yellow flowers greeted me in the morning.  What a nice surprise…

Through a ministry that I have started, I am collecting teddy bears to give to bereaved families.  I received a message just this morning that someone wants to send me a few dozen teddy bears.  She is moving and thought it would be a good time to pass them on.  How great is that?!  These bears will be lovingly delivered to the local hospices and hospitals in surrounding areas and given directly to parents and siblings missing a little one.  For myself, receiving the gift for Keaton knowing that someone has taken the time to care makes me think about what little things I can do to let others know that they are not alone.        

If you are grieving the loss of a loved one and would like support, consider seeking out services that may be available in your community by contacting: 

bcbereavementhelpline.com.  In the Lower Mainland 604.738.9950 and throughout BC 1.877.779.2223

If there is a hospice nearby, it might be worthwhile to see if grief counselling, support groups and events are available. 

To support the Abbotsford Hospice Contact:

Marion Keys, Capital Campaign Manager – Help Us Light The Way at 60(four).852.2456 or MarionKeys(at)abbotsfordhospice(dot)org or visit them at abbotsfordhospice.org  

HOSPICE NEWS & UPDATES

Great news!  Canuck Place is expanding services to the Fraser Valley.  The Canuck Place Children’s Hospice will be located next to the Abbotsford Regional Hospital. 

The Surrey Hospice Society is hosting a Walk of Remembrance & Dove Release on May 7th.  I participated in this event last year and went with a group of other bereaved parents that I knew.  It was meaningful to be able to release a dove for Keaton and walk with others who understood my journey.   I wish you peace in yours…       

Note:  If your organization would like us to publish a link to help promote an event for bereaved families, please feel free to contact us and we would be happy to do so.