One of my children starts kindergarten this week.  Am I ready to launch him into the vast world of elementary school by himself!?  Yes, I do realize there is only one classroom per grade, but still…

This milestone is a significant one.  I fully expect to be one of ‘those’ moms, crying in the car after drop off.  We’ll see.  I made sure the box of tissue in the car wasn’t empty and will have my sunglasses ready.

I think gradual entry is just as much for our children as it is for us.  As first time kindergarten parents, we need to ease in.  Tomorrow, I’m scheduled to leave him in the classroom for a short time, “don’t worry, I won’t be long and will pick you up again.”  I asked him tonight if he was ok with me dropping him off and my confident five year old ended up being the one reassuring me. “It’s ok mommy, I like my new school.  You can leave me at kindergarten ‘for longer’.  I know my teachers now, they are all so nice!  I won’t act silly.”

Three years ago, Keaton should have been the first one in the family to start kindergarten.  I remember it was a wistful week for me, seeing the proud “1st day of kindergarten!” pictures and posts on social media – especially the families who were in the same prenatal class as we were.  Our babies were born within weeks of one another and Keaton was the only one who didn’t make it.

Driving to work, I was keenly aware of passing the children on their way to school as I slowed down cautiously – below the 30 km speed limit – just to be extra safe.  This is what I would have wanted drivers to do had my child been the one walking hand-in-hand with me, excited to go to kindergarten at his new school.

This article called, “The Ghost At The Classroom Door” was shared by another infant loss mom on Facebook today and I thought it was fitting; although I like to use the term “saint” instead.  I’m sure our little saints love to accompany their siblings when they go to school…it is a comforting thought.

I love and miss you my sweet babies, pray your brother has a great time in kindergarten and enjoy that time together as I’m sure you will.

Forever Yours,

Mama xoxo